“I stand in awe of my own opinion. The secret demerits of which we alone, perhaps, are conscious, are often more difficult to bear than those which have been publicly censured in us, and thus in some degree atoned for.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Kavanagh
Scott H. Young’s First Rule To Understanding People
from The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People
Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit. i.e. Remember the spotlight effect and avoid the fundamental attribution error.
People don’t care about you as much as you think they do; They are mostly focused on themselves.
e.g. 60% of thoughts are self-directed; my goals, problems, feelings.
30% on relationships; what people think of me, how they have or will act towards me.
10% on empathy; split between everyone.
What does this mean?
- Embarrassment is senseless. Self-judgement is disproportionate since people only spend a minuscule portion of their thoughts on you.
- People are rarely malicious.
- Relationships are yours to manage. Don’t wait for others to call.
The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People (scotthyoung.com)
Spotlight effect (wikipedia.org)
How Could They Not Notice
Fundamental attribution error (wikipedia.org)
From My Notebook – Page 14 [Criticism (Receiving) and Attitude]