“April 1: This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.” — Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar For 1894
“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.” — Mark Twain, The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson
“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” — Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar For 1894
“He had only one vanity, he thought he could give advice better than any other person.” — Mark Twain, The Man that Corrupted Hadleyburg
“There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it.” — Mark Twain, Notebook, 1898
“We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.” — Mark Twain, Does the Race of Man Love a Lord?
“I think there is much need of wise examination into what sorts of lies are best and wholesomest to be indulged, seeing we must all lie and we do all lie.” — Mark Twain, On the Decay of the Art of Lying