“We all have our youthful follies embarrassing to recall – but people somehow find it hard to dismiss as a youthful folly anything that has happened to be a financial success.” — John Wyndham, The Day of the Triffids
“On almost every occasion when I have watched a film or a theatrical performance, I have been made to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable by the exaggerated facial expressions, the excessive gestures, and the frank speech of the characters, I have been relieved afterwards to resume my life among persons who seem to use facial expressions and gestures and speech as much as I use them: in order to conceal true thoughts and feelings.” — Gerald Murnane, “The Breathing Author,” Delphic Intimations
Scott H. Young’s First Rule To Understanding People
from The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People
Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit. i.e. Remember the spotlight effect and avoid the fundamental attribution error.
People don’t care about you as much as you think they do; They are mostly focused on themselves.
e.g. 60% of thoughts are self-directed; my goals, problems, feelings.
30% on relationships; what people think of me, how they have or will act towards me.
10% on empathy; split between everyone.
What does this mean?
- Embarrassment is senseless. Self-judgement is disproportionate since people only spend a minuscule portion of their thoughts on you.
- People are rarely malicious.
- Relationships are yours to manage. Don’t wait for others to call.
The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People (scotthyoung.com)
Spotlight effect (wikipedia.org)
How Could They Not Notice
Fundamental attribution error (wikipedia.org)
From My Notebook – Page 14 [Criticism (Receiving) and Attitude]