I like psychology.
The one thing I have learned for sure is almost everything you think you know about yourself is wrong. And when you figure something out, you change.
Forced change is difficult.
All of a sudden, everything reminds of the clock’s ticking.
I moan about my impending grand-fatherhood. I moan about no longer getting random offers for overpriced weed. I moan about being asked if I am retired.
Time to grow up. Stop cigarettes, save money, move.
Sexual maturity precedes mature sexuality. It makes for a rotten fable: The hare wins too often.
Facts continually come along to teach me humility. I avoid schooling by learning as many as I can.
I am getting closer to the finish line.
“Droll thing life is — that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose.” — Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
“Everybody knows, but you’ve got to stop and think about it, to really get the pleasure about the complexity, the inconceivable nature of Nature.” — Richard Feynman, “Physics is fun to imagine,” BBC TV (July 1983)
The train brings me closer to home. I relive lunch.
I am not ready. Is it a gift? It is good news I do not want to hear.
“There’s something I want to show you.”
She hands me a package. I undo the wrapping.
“Turn it over.”
I know what it’s going to say. Reluctantly I obey. There it is. At the end of some other words. In a cute font: GRANDFATHER.
In my mind, it is all about me. I try to make the right noises and absentmindedly hand back the baby bodysuit.
Grey hair, age milestones. I survived those without difficulty. The start of a new generation is the one milestone that makes me feel categorically old.
The announcer tells me to make sure to take all my belongings.
“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” — Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
“The know-nothings are, unfortunately, seldom the do-nothings.” — Mignon McLaughlin, The Complete Neurotic’s Notebook
How long since I last defined what I want to write in my journal?
I’m sure the last time was not as long ago as I imagine.
Capture the memories before they change! Avoid mental masturbation! Observe! Capture the moment!
Real time memories aren’t real-time. Either I’m creating them or writing about them.
Stream of consciousness? My sitting and writing limits the stream.
Go Gonzo? Record everything?